2012 in review

2012 in a nutshell... 

It seems almost insincere that I'm just finding time to recap 2012, as we're half-way through February of 2013... But, I guess it's better late than never...

2012 was certainly a year of growth for me, not only in the sport of triathlon, but mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually... In some ways, it was the easiest, yet hardest, year I've had in my short time on this mudball we call Earth...

(Here comes the sappy, reflective, nostalgic stuff... Either grab your tissues, or click the big red "X" on the top right of your screen, shit's about to get deep)

Back in January of 2012, I was in a huge spot of transition... I had spent the fall of 2011 in a "bad" place, but one that was necessary to get me to where I am today: I was writing my dissertation proposal... For those who have never gone through this process, it's hard to explain just how much it stretches you... From April of 2011 to May of 2012, I spent more time than not doubting myself, doubting my abilities as a researcher and writer, and questioning if triathlon had been a fleeting fad for me... In short, those 13 months were some of the most trying, and lowest, I have ever had... at least for a very long time...

What's funny about those months, is that despite the extreme amount of stress, I seemed to somehow flourish... What's the saying? "Pressure makes diamonds?"... I'm not claiming to have been made a diamond, but surely, I was under a lot of pressure, yet found a way not to crack... well, not to crack more than my fair share of times, which is expected at that level...

I began 2012 in what I thought was a pretty good place... I was in (what I thought at the time) was a very healthy relationship, something that I had a) not done in a very long time, and b) something I had resolved not to pursue during my last year at Alabama... But, the Lord works in mysterious ways, and He brought me someone that I needed at that point in my life... I was inspired once again... I was inspired by her to work hard, to care, to be disciplined, to invest in others, and really, to open up and admit that life wasn't so bad... It didn't take long, but I got swept away pretty quickly...

Now, I realize that what I'm writing about now doesn't "really" have anything to do with triathlon, which is usually the focus of this blog, but, it sets the stage (early) for how my year shaped up... So just bear with me, I'll get to whatever point it is I'm trying to make...

With regards to training and racing, 2012 started out pretty flat for me... During the previous fall, I had all but quit training so I could focus on writing... I was on a pretty tight timeline with regards to finishing my dissertation, so all energy was focused on not going over that deadline... Ultimately, I did, but I still think it wasn't my fault per se'... I had packed on more than a few pounds during that fall semester-- mostly from emotional/stress eating and drinking like prohibition was going to kick in the next day... I was pretty much in a tailspin, I knew it, and for some reason, I passive aggressively refused to do anything about it... Which was dumb...

So, starting 2012, I made the decision to treat myself better... I started paying attention more to my calorie/food intake, focused on making every workout a quality workout, and tried my hardest to balance work/play... Again, the Lord has a plan for everything, so I don't think it was any mistake when Hallie called and asked if she could bunk up with me during her internship in Tuscaloosa... She came at a very crucial time for me: the dissertation process was, (and is), a very lonely time... If left to my own devices, I would have probably continued to self destructive behavior I had so much cherished in the fall... But, Hallie showed up and for whatever reason, I felt a desire to get my shit together and give triathlon the respect its due... Accountability... That, and mere friendship... That's what Hallie was able to inspire in me...

I got serious about calorie counting-- probably too serious, but it worked... big time... From January to about April, I dropped 16 pounds... I was down to about 225, but hit a wall... I couldn't remember a time I had been that "skinny" since, hell, probably some time in high school or early college... I was hovering around 225-227 as the season started and I felt GREAT about it... Then, I started slacking on the calorie counting :(

As the spring wore on, I was very selective about the races I was signing up for... I didn't have the time to spend training for long course stuff, so I decided to focus more on sprints... Great race at Rebelman to kick off the season... Writing was becoming a bit easier (since I had collected my data by this point), so I was able to dedicate more time to training... And lemme tell ya, it was a lifesaver..

The month of May was somewhat of a blur... finishing the semester, 10 day road trip to Montana, back home, final dissertation defense, job interview, Kendrick's wedding (moving into June now), job offer, end of relationship, accepted offer, pack up, move to SC, start new job.... In a nutshell, it was fucking miserable...

Triathlon took a complete back seat after the end of my relationship... I was devastated... I was totally bummed out, and to add to that, was in a totally new place where I knew no one, AND the terrain is simply NOT friendly to us Clydes... nothing but hills and hills and more hills... Sure, I've gotten used to it (sort of) by now, but I felt like my efforts to stay sane were being mocked... (Ok, I'll try to drag myself out of this whiny spot... )

Decided to throw myself into the triathlon scene around Columbia by joining group rides and runs... But, it just doesn't do it for me... Aside from riding with Shayne back in 2010, I usually prefer to ride solo.... It gives me alone time, and I can also not have to worry about dropping anyone (or being dropped) and I can focus on my assigned workout... So, I took a couple of chances and rode with people, just to get an idea of the routes around Columbia, then, struck out on my own...

Had 2 great races (Tom Hoskins sprint and the Dam Tri) that to me, made a statement to the triathlon community here... Picking up the W's in both races was not only a huge accomplishment, but I also felt like it bought me some legitimacy with the locals... the new kid is always tested, and I felt like I passed pretty well...

Made the decision, after months of frustratingly second guessing myself, to buy a new bike in October... I haven't been happier... riding my Shiv is a treat... I am excited to see where I am able to take my cycling over the next year... I want to keep the streak of having the fastest bike split in the Clydes alive... Not only keep it going, but grow it... I want to start hanging minutes on people... like, 5+ or more... cause it buys me more time to die on the run ;)

Spent the last 2 or so months of 2012 in a similar tailspin as fall of 2011... I was trying to keep up with running and biking, but couldn't bring myself to get in the water.. Hell, it's almost like I had a fear of it! Thus began the cycle of skipping swims... at first, it was 1 a week, usually on Fridays so I could go home and hit the couch early... Then, it was Fridays, then Wednesdays so I could go play trivia with friends or go to Handlebar Happy Hour with the local cycling activists... Then, it was MWF and before I knew it, I hadn't swam in weeks...

Christmas break was a welcomed pause for me... I tried to get back to consistent training, focusing on running most of all, since I was kicking around the idea of a marathon in 2013... Finished 2013 in decent fashion, crushing my mileage goal for the year (and early at that)...

Surprisingly though, I wasn't "happy" about it... I was still in a tailspin, not really caring about the quality of the workouts I was doing... Hell, I puked or dry heaved in the majority of my runs during the fall 2012 semester, mainly because I was trying to "make up for lost time" and go harder than I should have... Point blank, I wasn't having fun with triathlon, again, and this time, I had serious doubts as to if staying in triathlon was what I really needed to do...

Taking time off though, was exactly what I needed... Now, I have gotten back to the pool (at least trying to, at least twice a week), and I'm in full blown marathon training mode... This means a LOT of reaaaaaallllyyy early mornings and loooonnngggg weekends



(Just to let you know, I paused this post in February of 2013, and have decided to just publish what I had written up to this point... My guess is that I would have been even more emo about the 2012 year... )